Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
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