Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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