Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
