Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Maybe he injected his testicle?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Randomize
