I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
