How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
