the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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