I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
