You made me cry and you don't even care
oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
