isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
