it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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