I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
This house was built for laser tag.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
