Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
