Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
