We won't sleep together?
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize