Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
you win again, gameday.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
