do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
