this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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