oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Randomize
