i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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