dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Randomize