Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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