Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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