My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
