what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
