Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize