Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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