she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
