Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
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