i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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