I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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