Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
