I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Watching her eat just hurts me
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize