I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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