There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
