Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
