Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I forgot how hot balto sounded
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
