Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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