nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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