i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
