I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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