This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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