JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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