how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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