stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
You were trust falling into bushes
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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