tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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