just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
