Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
