I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
