i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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