is your mom at the bar?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize