Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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