I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Randomize
