Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
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