Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
