weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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