It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
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