her facebook's as public as her vagina
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
