We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize