Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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