he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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