Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
