bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
pop tarts are not kleenex
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize