Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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