Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
