fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Randomize
