Define "chronic" masturbator.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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